


Alt veit eg, Odin

by Priest_and_Pagan



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Angst, Athelnar - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Vikings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-06 12:25:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1857999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Priest_and_Pagan/pseuds/Priest_and_Pagan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ragnar asks Athelstan about the scars on his palms, and ends up learning much more than he bargained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alt veit eg, Odin

It was late, but the sun was still shining. Despite dark and seemingly endless winters, Kattegat could boast never ending days of warmth in its summer, and though they could be hot and sticky farther inland, the bay kept Kattegat a temperate cool.

Ragnar had dragged Athelstan away from the feasting and the clamour of the great hall for a moment of privacy between them. He had missed Athelstan in the months that had passed without him, and those months that had followed after in which Ragnar thought that he was dead were almost unbearable. He had missed him more than he would ever be able to admit, or find the words to describe, and he hoped that somehow the message reached Athelstan as he sat beside him on a log, dappled in shifting light beneath the shelter of an old tree. Ragnar held him close.

Athelstan leaned against Ragnar, smiling softly. His eyes were closed and his head rested on Ragnar’s shoulder. He had enjoyed the fun and feasting in the hall - so different to the quiet and well-behaved atmosphere in Wessex - but he was still glad when Ragnar had pulled him outside. He had been through a lot and he knew it wouldn't have been much longer before people began attacking him with questions about his time in Wessex.

He wondered if he should tell Ragnar of his suspicions regarding King Horik - of how he had never seemed genuinely interested in continuing the negotiations with Ecbert after Ragnar had left- but he decided that there was plenty of time for that later. Instead, Athelstan just sighed quietly with happiness and kissed Ragnar's cheek. Ragnar smiled, and it was as though his lips returned from wherever his thoughts had roamed before the rest of him did. He lifted Athelstan's chin and turned to kiss him, just gently.

_I missed you_ , he thought, but again, there were no words.

Instead, he laced his fingers with Athelstan's.

Athelstan smiled and blushed as Ragnar kissed his lips, looking down shyly. But, when he felt Ragnar's hand touch his, he shivered instinctively and quickly drew his hand back. He knew he was being silly, and that Ragnar wouldn't hurt him, but the memory of what had happened to him was still strong in his mind, even all these months later. Ragnar paled a little and drew his hand back, away from Athelstan’s as he remembered the scars that he had noticed on his hands back in Wessex. That was the day that he had learned that Athelstan was still alive.  
 

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, his voice was soft, but there was an urgency beneath it.

Athelstan shook his head quickly.  
  
            "No, not at all." He sighed and rested his head back on Ragnar's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I reacted like that..." He hesitated before placing his hand on Ragnar's and smiling gently, trying to reassure him. "I'm back home. With you. That's all that matters now..."

Ragnar kissed Athelstan’s hair, but his expression didn't lighten and his arm around Athelstan tightened. He held Athelstan's hand gently and looked down at it. He still saw the glint of pale scarring in the sunlight and it brought with it the same anger and frustration as when he'd first laid eyes on it. He should have been there.

"What happened?" He breathed.

Athelstan looked up at Ragnar and sighed heavily. He hung his head. He knew that he would have to tell Ragnar sooner or later, and he decided he would rather do it now while they were in relative privacy than once they were back in the hall with everyone listening.

"There was an ambush... I was with a group of Horik's men, hunting in the forest, and we were attacked. I ran but some Saxon soldiers caught me. I..." He took a deep breath and his whole body tensed. "I spoke to them, told them I was one of them. I thought it might get them to spare me." He nearly let out a bitter laugh at that. He might have been better off had he kept his mouth shut. "They...they beat me... They took my clothes and beat me. U-Until I couldn't stand up. T-Then they..." His voice cracked and he swallowed painfully, memories of it flooding back into his head.

Athelstan hadn't even finished relating his story, and he had not yet explained his scars, but Ragnar already felt a fire in him that would have had him across the sea and murdering every Saxon in sight. He took deep breaths to calm the rage in his pulse and his grip tightened even more around Athelstan, though he still cradled Athelstan’s hand with gentleness..

Athelstan took a deep breath and focused on the feeling of Ragnar's arm around him. _I’m safe. I’m back in Kattegat and I’m safe..._ Repeating that thought in his mind, he closed his eyes and continued in a hoarse whisper. "They dragged me to a clearing and put a crown on me - made of thorns. T-Then they...they nailed my hands and feet to a cross..." The last few words were barely audible, but he knew that Ragnar had heard. He shivered and his head hung lower, as if still burdened with the weight of the thorned crown. He was trembling. .

"Enough." Ragnar's order was a whisper, and he released Athelstan's hand to free his own and pull him into his arms protectively. He kissed his hair and held him, frowning as he felt him trembling in his arms. "Forgive me."

Athelstan frowned in confusion as he clung to Ragnar, taking deep breaths to calm down. "Forgive...you...?"

Ragnar could not make himself meet Athelstan’s eyes. "I did not protect you." He felt a lump in his throat at those words, a grief as great as the anger that threatened to consume him.

Athelstan gazed at Ragnar for a while, feeling a vague sense of shock that Ragnar wanted to protect him. Gently, he placed his hand on Ragnar's cheek. "You were here. Protecting your lands and your family. You did everything you were supposed to do. And I..." He paused and looked down. "I shouldn't have agreed to stay behind with King Horik..." He kissed Ragnar's cheek again and his voice grew softer. "I'm the one who should be asking for your forgiveness."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too..." Athelstan smiled slightly, thinking of something that he hoped might make the mood light again. "You know...King Ecbert was jealous of you, even before you came back to Wessex..."

Ragnar frowned, the mentioning of the Wessex King making him uneasy.

"Of me? Why?"

"Because he could tell that I always preferred you." He grinned and kissed Ragnar's lips softly.

Ragnar's frown deepened, and, after returning the kiss in earnest he drew back with the question. "He loved you?"

Athelstan looked at him with surprise. "Why do you think he seemed so possessive of me when you came with Lagertha and Horik to discuss the treaty?"

The stinging jealousy that Ragnar had felt at the Seer's message returned threefold and his grip tightened around Athelstan, his fingers digging into his tunic. "Did you have sex with him?"

Athelstan frowned and squirmed slightly in Ragnar's grip, which now seemed uncomfortably tight. He blushed deeply at the question. "R-Ragnar..."

"Athelstan..." Ragnar looked as if he had been slapped in the face. He released his grip on him entirely and turned a little on the log beside him. He looked out beneath the trees, utterly lost for words.

"Ragnar, please..." Athelstan frowned and wrapped his arms around Ragnar's waist, hugging him gently. "King Ecbert never meant anything to me. He just... I thought I would never see you again. And he was so like you..."

Ragnar swallowed. He could hear his heartbeat in his own ears, and feel it in the lump in his throat. He wasn't sure if he was furious or grief stricken, the two emotions seemed to be battling for dominance over him while all he could do was sit and watch. He didn't know what to do, all he knew was that his chest felt like it was being crushed, and that he wanted to carve an eagle into King Ecbert's back.

"R-Ragnar..." Athelstan bit his lip, trying to blink back the tears that filled his eyes. "Ragnar, please...say something..." He swallowed and hugged him tighter. "I-I love you... I'm sorry. I was still hurting a-and his son said you wouldn't come back..." He whispered desperately through his tears and sighed. He closed his eyes tightly. "After it happened, I never let him touch me again...n-not like that."

At Athelstan's 'I love you' Ragnar turned and pulled him back into his arms, holding him close to himself. "They told me you were dead." He said, though his voice still sounded a bit numb. "I hate him." he whispered, a promise of violence beneath his soft voice.

A chill ran down Athelstan's spine at the tone of Ragnar's voice and he kissed Ragnar's cheek in an effort to calm him down. "B-But I'm home again. We're together, just like we always should have been."

            Ragnar held him tight, clutching at his tunic possessively. "You are mine?" His voice sounded almost insecure, but as he repeated himself it lowered to a growl.

"Promise me that you are mine."

"I'm yours, Ragnar." He sighed quietly. It was ridiculous really, he thought. Ragnar wasn't exactly well-known for being faithful after what had happened with Aslaug, yet Athelstan had never even felt the need to confront Ragnar about his commitment to their relationship... "I've always been yours. Even in Wessex. It's why Ecbert was so jealous of you..."

Ragnar drew back just enough to press his forehead to Athelstan’s. He was quiet for a long time, just waiting for his racing heart to slow back to normal. When his temper began to ease he started to feel cold, as if his anger had been physical warmth and it left him frozen to the bone.

"I love you." With a wave of shame Ragnar realized that he had been crying.

"I know..." He took Ragnar's face in his hands and gently wiped away the tears. "I love you too, Ragnar." His smile was full of warmth.. "And I suppose it means more now that we're _both_ free men..."

Ragnar kissed his palm.

"Why?" He whispered. "Why should that matter?"

"Well, before... I was still your slave. Even if you never treated me like one..." He shrugged slightly.

Ragnar frowned. "Did you not love me the same? Or was it... like him?"

 

Athelstan sighed quietly, not wanting Ragnar to get angry or upset again. "I always loved you, Ragnar. And as I said, you never treated me like a slave. But...that's what I was..."

"That is never how I saw you. I would have loved you the same." Ragnar kissed his forehead. "But, I think I understand."

"But, it doesn't matter." Athelstan kissed Ragnar's hand gently and smiled at him.

Ragnar pulled him into a proper kiss, nipping at his lower lip a little in the process, still distantly feeling the need to claim Athelstan as his own. Athelstan gripped Ragnar's shoulders and returned the kiss eagerly. He let out a small squeak as Ragnar bit his lip. He couldn't help smiling and rolling his eyes at Ragnar's display of possessiveness, though he had decided years ago that he definitely didn't mind it. Ragnar deepened the kiss until they were both breathless before tugging Athelstan down off of the back of the log and into the thick grass.

Athelstan laughed breathlessly as Ragnar pulled him off the log and raised an eyebrow at him. "You don't think everyone will be wondering where we are..?"

Ragnar was already on top of him and trailing kisses up his neck.

"Let them wonder."

Athelstan laughed again and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "You're hopeless, you know that..?"

"Yes," Ragnar's voice was already a little breathless, but he smiled, starting to relax for the first time since Athelstan's revelation.

"And I need you."

"You always need me..." He tried to frown up at him, but he couldn't help smiling fondly instead. He pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

Ragnar pressed gentle kisses to Athelstan's chin and lips and cheek even as he tugged his belt loose. "I always need you," He whispered against his ear.

"Because I am hopeless, and you are my hope."

Athelstan blushed at his words and nuzzled his neck softly as he played with the hem of Ragnar’s tunic. He pressed a soft kiss against the man's skin, whispering.

"And you're my hope too..."


End file.
